The Blues

This is one of those things that's popular to forward to your email buddies, which is how I got it the other day. I think it's one of the funniest.


If you are new to Blues music, or like it but never really understood the whys and wherefores, here are some very fundamental rules:

1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning...."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes - sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500 pound."

4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch...ain't no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anywhere in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that don't get no rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the Blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.

9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues:
A. highway
B. jailhouse
C. empty bed
D. bottom of a whiskey glass

11. Bad places for the Blues:
A. Nordstrom's
B. gallery openings
C. Ivy League institutions
D. golf courses

12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old person, and you slept in it.

13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
A. you're older than dirt
B. you're blind
C. you shot a man in Memphis
D. you can't be satisfied
No, if:
A. you have all your teeth
B. you were once blind but now can see
C. the man in Memphis lived
D. you have a 401K or trust fund

14. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could have. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues.

15. If you ask for water and your darlin' gives you gasoline, it's theBlues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
A. cheap wine
B. whiskey or bourbon
C. muddy water
D. black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
A. Perrier
B. Chardonnay
C. Snapple
D. Slim Fast

16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.

17. Some Blues names for women:
A. Sadie
B. Big Mama
C. Bessie
D. Fat River Dumpling

18. Some Blues names for men:
A. Joe
B. Willie
C. Little Willie
D. Big Willie

19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

20. Blues Name Starter Kit:
A. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Mute, Lame, etc.)
B. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.)
C. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, Clinton, etc.) For example:Blind Lime Jefferson, Pegleg Lemon Johnson or Lame Kiwi Clinton, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")

21. I don't care how tragic your life is: if you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues, period. Sorry.

Whew!

Thank goodness hurricane Rita's effects were not a repeat of the horror of Katrina. I'm especially thankful because I have friends and family there. I've not heard from everyone yet, but my mom and stepdad are fine except the loss of power, which is no big deal.

Fall-La-La-La-La

I love Fall.

I love Labor Day, back-to-school, and the start of pro football season, because all those things mean that Fall is close at hand. When I lived in Texas, all these signs meant that there was a light at the end of the Brutal Summer tunnel, even tho' said light was usually still a good 2 months away. But here in Santa Fe, if Fall is not quite yet here, at least Summer is behind us.

I have mixed feelings about Santa Fe, but the weather here is spectacular.

And this year I intend to follow football like I did when the Cowboys ruled in the 90's. I say this to myself at the start of every season, that I'm going to pay attention, to know the teams and their records and their starting players, all that basic stuff. But then I always slack off and don't pay attention and by the time the playoffs roll around I have no idea what's going on and who to root for.

What's the big deal, you ask? Well, did I mention that I'm from Texas? Plus my dear departed Grandpa was a sports writer early in his journalism career. He had no sons to coach or play catch with. I guess my mom (the eldest) felt the need to be a part of this important part of his life somehow, and so became something of a sports fan, and in particular a Cowboys fan. I can recall as a kid on Sundays watching my mom pacing up and down in front of the TV, smoking like a fiend, and cursing the Cowboys out loud.

So this year I'm back on track - gonna pay attention. Which means I should be watching right now, as there's a couple games in progress.

Go Cowboys!

Kay, You're So Right....

...as usual.

My homegirl Kay says to go to Google, enter "failure", then click on "I Feel Lucky".

Kay rocks. Hey, I don't hang wit no chumps.

Helping NOLA musicians

Below is an email from friend Dr. Ira Padnos, aka Dr. Ike, organizer of one of the best music events ever in my opinion, the Ponderosa Stomp in New Orleans.

hey chillun .the time is right to supprt the new orleans musicians we all love.here`s one way to help out.noahleans is an organization dedicated to getting the displaced new orleans musicians back on their feet by providing them with gigs,instruments,clothes,rides,etc.they want to get these musicians working .they want to help the musicians but allow the musicians to maintain their dignity in view of all that has happened.this is a damn good idea thati hope spreads to other cities.please check out their website, http://noahleans.com/.their contact person is gigi hill.her email address is gigi@noahleans.com .her phonenumber is 713-522-2299.pleasehelp out the musicians and noahleans.
thanks for your help,dr ike

MFNW

I just returned yesterday from my second annual trip to Portland, Oregon for MusicFest Northwest, a showcase of local & regional acts that lasts 3 days/nights. I had SUCH a blast there - I just love that city, the people (good-looking men everywhere!), the scenery, the food, and of course the music. I did NOT want to leave.

Highlights:

• An on-the-fly fundraising effort on Wednesday at Dante's to benefit a couple of New Orleans music industry friends, one of whom is James Hall. I have been a big fan of James Hall for years, and so was excited to learn of this benefit and had a great time. JH himself was not there, but I was treated to some great entertainment by Adam MacIntosh (I think that's his last name, and I hope I spelled it right), and also Storm and the Balls, described as lounge punk jazz fronted by a blonde vamp with a killer voice that goes from torchy to howlin' and back again without breaking a sweat. She plays there every Wed, so go if you can, and say hi to cool bartender chick Stephanie.

More James Hall (at left): because he is now homeless after Katrina, his friends at MFNW plugged him into a couple more shows, so I had the *pleasure* of seeing him perform 3 times. Each time was a different set and great fun.

• The Friday night set at Mississippi Studios was probably my favorite, because I was hanging w/my dear friend Kay (here we are)......who had driven down from Seattle, and also the venue is intimate (ok, small) with a great vibe. I don't really know how to describe JH other than to say that he is one of the most diverse, talented, and electrifying musicians I've ever come across. I connote "pleasure" above because the name of his most recent band is Pleasure Club, featuring my friend Michael Jerome on drums. PC is currently on "indefinite hiatus", as they say, which is very sad because they are one of the best bands, period. But at least now James is touring, so do yourself a big favor and see him. Stop at nothing to see him.
• Kay and I got to the venue on Friday early just in case. Boy, was that a good idea. We caught the set by Pat McDonald, who played ahead of JH. You may recall a hit in the 80's by Timbuk 3 called "The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades". Well, half of that act was Pat McDonald. But if knowing that gives any preconceived notions, let me put those to rest right here. It was just him and a guitar. Bleak poetry set to raw blues rock.
• One of the biggest buzz shows at MFNW was the reunion of some grunge acts which were the shit back in the day. I was fortunate to catch a bit of Crackerbash, the entire set by Pond, and about half of Hazel (well, after all, I was there to work). One thing that struck me about the bands was that they still sound fresh and relevant, for the most part anyway. I don't know if that's how good they are, or how crappy some current music is. Probably a bit of both. (couldn't find links for Pond or Hazel...)
• More buzz: I missed these shows, but heard folks talk a lot about hip-hop artist Jean Grae; and my bud Joel just raved about Viva Voce, so I gotta check them both out.
• Picture disclaimer: I have this thing about taking a 'self-shot', where I extend my arm out and aim the camera towards me and my photo companion. The above shots w/Kay and Pat McD were done this way. It usually works well, but sometimes I have this look on my face like I'm about to burst.

Somebody Make Me a T-shirt!

Thanks to Dale in Dallas for sending this:

Boy is that one good. But this next one, sent by Kay, is one of the best I've ever seen, probably because it's not a doctored image. And the caption is so succinct.

On related notes: by now you've probably heard Barbara Bush saying that the impoverished who were wiped out by Katrina have since been relocated and that the hurricane was "a good thing" for them, evidently because they had nothing to begin with.

And I saw Laura Bush on the news speaking to people about hurricane "Corina".

All this beaurocratic talk of "a time later to figure out what went wrong" - well, you see, back in November of 2000....

About Damn Time

It seems the mainstream media is finally - FINALLY - doing what they have failed so miserably at in recent years - challenging and questioning those in authority. Being in the midst of the horror of Katrina's aftermath and witnessing the anarchy and astonishing incompetence on the part of the various government agencies who are charged with responding in a catastrophe, they are giving voice not only to the overwhelming desperation, anger, and frustration that trapped citizens are experiencing, but also quite rightly expressing disgust at the gall that politicians have when they keep having press conferences to convince us all that they have done and are doing everything they can, and to pat each other on the back for doing such a great job thus far.

I'm sure what Anderson Cooper really wants to say is something along the lines of "Holy shit, you fucking idiot, you gotta be kidding me."

And these are jaded journalists who've covered wars and famines, seen terrible suffering all over the world first-hand, without getting emotional. Think about it.

Slate sums it up nicely here.

Let's hope they don't revert back to sycophantic patronizing once this story goes away.